Dicky

richard@frederick.org — Sun, 16 Nov 2003 08:18:11 GMT

there.

richard@frederick.org — Sun, 25 Aug 2002 00:53:08 GMT

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Depressive Bishie in Giant Fighting Robot Edition

	callow User Number: 300984 Date Created:2001-08-08 Number of Posts: 21
Yes, Dicky's alter ego, the vicious and cruel (yet ultimately scared himself) Dickymon². With his GFR Defense System (Giant Fighting Robot), Dickymon² can easily champion anyone in need, protecting hearth and home with searing laser beams of photonic !
Strengths: +1 Giant Fighting Robot, +3 Giant Fighting Robot Weaponry Knowledge and Usage, +20 on all base stats, +5 on willpower, +6 on determination (in a GFR everything seems easy).
Weaknesses: likes to destroy things, thinks he is in a never-ending Evangelion episode (distortion of reality), when one asks him what he wants to do with his life he usually replies, "what does it matter? Instrumentality is happening soon anyway." glowing yellow eyes of a giant fighting robot usually send s running in , not giving out phone numbers.
Special Skills: +1 smashing things, +1 blowing things up, +1 things, +1 obliterating, +1 general , +1 cool stances, +1 bishie appearance (in Dickymon² form, Dicky looks infintely cooler, like an EVA character).
Weapons: Progressive Knife, Big Guns, Giant Fighting Robot Hands. Outside of GFR: Insults, Steyr Machine Pistol, Running Away.
GFR Stats: Big and purple. Looks like EVA 01.

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richard@frederick.org — Mon, 25 Feb 2002 05:50:37 GMT

Vigilant31337 (12:02:02 AM): there is a kathy on a screenname that i have on my list hello kathy on my list i have lost the ability to punctuate how are you
beefyTOFU (12:02:55 AM): omg its dicky i am sad because chuck jones died but i am happy because space ghost is on and i met him
Vigilant31337 (12:03:14 AM): yes i am sad for the same reasons do you know what i was in my past life?
beefyTOFU (12:03:27 AM): no
Vigilant31337 (12:03:28 AM): wow, i have regained the ability to punctuate in a limited degree this makes me happy.
beefyTOFU (12:03:29 AM): a turtle
Vigilant31337 (12:03:36 AM): i was an evil transforming robot.
beefyTOFU (12:03:39 AM): a ninja turtle
Vigilant31337 (12:04:38 AM): with an ion beam cannon on my forearm and titanium-alloy cutting blades that extended from my hands i stood at a fearsome height and owned the world with my super rocket jet-pack and hyponuclear grenade launcher
Vigilant31337 (12:05:21 AM): also i remember your sister now
Vigilant31337 (12:05:26 AM): it took awhile.
beefyTOFU (12:06:17 AM): wow. I would've worshiped you
Vigilant31337 (12:06:26 AM): for remembering your sister?
beefyTOFU (12:06:41 AM): no..for being a transforming robot
Vigilant31337 (12:06:44 AM): oh.
Vigilant31337 (12:06:53 AM): i transformed into a coffee grinder
Vigilant31337 (12:07:13 AM): so i was a formidable war machine and an easy-to-use home appliance.
beefyTOFU (12:09:25 AM): very useful and cost effective
Vigilant31337 (12:09:31 AM): indeed
Vigilant31337 (12:10:39 AM): my hands smell like cookie.
beefyTOFU (12:11:16 AM): mmm..chocolate chip
beefyTOFU (12:11:16 AM): ?
Vigilant31337 (12:11:22 AM): yup

richard@frederick.org — Sun, 24 Feb 2002 03:25:42 GMT

Who am I?
I am the extension of personality.
What is that?
The essence of self.
So I am emotions?
I am functionality.
I am a vessel for the soul.
For the sea.
For the ocean of feelings that ebbs and flows from this time to next and from this day tomorrow feel me feel me feel me dwelling in the darkness between signposts.

Between the words "I love you."

richard@frederick.org — Sat, 23 Feb 2002 06:35:20 GMT

Green

You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature.

Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

richard@frederick.org — Sat, 23 Feb 2002 05:28:46 GMT

[life update initiated]

my opinions are not meant for others, richard.

so stop letting people be privy to them.

anyway, i hate myself and my lack of caring/whatever when it comes to the fact that i really fucking like about three girls at the same time. i find that morally wrong. i find myself morally wrong. i find myself disgusted with myself. and another fact as that none of these people will ever be interested in me.

CJ came and got me today, and i hung out with him, heather, heather's syster, meghan, alex, and...that's it.

yeah, meghan.

and i loved every fucking second of me not paying attention to her even though i have been attracted to her for a long long long long long long time. i find it impossible to act interested. i am restrained by fear. one of my biggest fears is being stuck in a situation where i act "interested" and she expects something and i don't know what to do and everyone is watching watching watching for the love of christ i'm giving myself an anxiety attack.

i hate me.

richard@frederick.org — Mon, 24 Dec 2001 01:12:03 GMT

The way I see it is that I involve myself with selfish people who you shouldn't expect to come to you they want you to come to them and only certain people, people who can make them feel better than I can.

Inadequate.
Inadequate.
Inadequate.
Inadequate.
Inadequate.

Sigh times two.

richard@frederick.org — Fri, 16 Nov 2001 01:43:59 GMT

I haven't written in this in a while, thought I would.

She's BACK in my thoughts again.

Yeah her.

So, what am I to do? She never has seen me with romantic interest. I'm everything she wants, I think...

Why do I torture myself?

Sigh.

richard@frederick.org — Sun, 14 Oct 2001 04:48:15 GMT

i'm sitting here, sore. i'm sitting here and i don't care what i write, i don't care if it's not capitalized.

fuck capitalizing.

i can still feel her hands on me.

why? why do i feel like this? i can't make it stop! i don't want a relationship, but if the opporitunity arised i would jump on it in a heartbeat.

what am i saying? i want to be. just be. with her.

god forbid she reads this. if she read this i would break from embarassment. from...god knows. my paranoia is killing me.

richard@frederick.org — Mon, 17 Sep 2001 04:59:41 GMT

[life update initiated]

I haven't typed in this thing in a long, long, long, long, long, long time.

Anyway.

Complications are filling my life now, really. I mean, do I even WANT a relationship? Honestly? I don't know.

They seem like an awful lot of work.

Another thing, what is the point of doing something if other people will never know about it? To feel better about yourself? Hmph.

I have alot of questions, and not enough answers.

Not enough, and the ones I have make me ask more questions...

Religion is becoming more and more empty to me, recently. Faith is drifting away... I will never lose my beliefs, but...

I don't know, I don't know alot of things.

Yar!

richard@frederick.org — Wed, 15 Aug 2001 07:31:41 GMT

I makes teh musics. Neat.

Sigh.

richard@frederick.org — Tue, 14 Aug 2001 05:12:51 GMT

I'm made out of old computer parts, AOL 6.0 CD's, and an Atari, with vinegar running through my pneumatic veins.

Vigilant31337: Could I ask you a question?
Person: well as long as i am still your cute friend i am okay with that...Yeah ask away
Vigilant31337: You know when you were not liking David and you came over here? That night I was like, "I'm gonna ask her out." But then some stuffs happened. Then I met (PERSON) recently, you know...so it didn't happen.
Vigilant31337: What would you have said if I asked? I'm sooo curious.
Person: i probably would have said yes
Vigilant31337: Neat!
Person: but you didnt ask
Vigilant31337: Yeah, that sucks.

I am the lamest...argh.

There is more.

Person: well see I really wish you would have asked me though Richard.
Vigilant31337: Damn.

And..

Person: oh, you didnt notice that i wanted you to ask?
Vigilant31337: You knew what I was thinking and you wanted me to ask, right then?
Person: yeah. I though i made it kind of clear
Vigilant31337: *beats head on desk...well, not literally...*
Vigilant31337: I am so stupid. Argh.
Person: no your not stupid richard, dont even say that

Well, the night that I wanted to ask her, she WANTED ME TO ASK HER AND I COULDN'T READ THAT OFF OF HER OMG I AM SO LAME I COULD GO OUT AND SCREAM ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

Haiku!

richard@frederick.org — Sat, 11 Aug 2001 21:22:50 GMT

Bloop, blee bloop, bloop bloop bloop bleep bloop.

All around is calm,
Here I wait by the phone.
Anticipation.

HAHAHA HAIKUUUUUUUUU!

Eek!

richard@frederick.org — Sat, 11 Aug 2001 05:07:04 GMT

This song is scarey.

I wonder.

richard@frederick.org — Sat, 11 Aug 2001 04:00:02 GMT

Sometimes, I wonder what it's like to have a worse life than I have right this minute.

What if I lived under a dictator? What if I dodged bullets on the way to work, or school, or to a friends house? What if I had abusive parents, or had a drug problem?

Life would have more meaning when I conquored those things.

I mean, I have no great conflict, no great obsticals to overcome. I take my life for granted.

And then I squander it with complaints, irrational fears that keep me from doing what I want, and restraint that leaves me socially wishing for more.

Strange things to ponder...

Indie rock?

richard@frederick.org — Fri, 10 Aug 2001 05:46:15 GMT

This song is strangely appropriate, sometimes.

I like it, it's indie rock though.

Am I a closet indie rocker? Jeez, I don't know.

Crippled?

richard@frederick.org — Fri, 10 Aug 2001 03:08:55 GMT

Somethings are and aren't meant to be.

Take me for example, I am destined to drift from one romantic prospect to another, with none of them blossoming into fruition.

Sucks, eh?

Anyway, so, what brought this line of thought up? Self-pity. I don't like sitting around feeling sorry for myself, but I just had to this time, it's so true.

I mean, I'm socially anxious, with irrational fears crippling my social interaction, half the time. Should I or should I not sit next to her? Should I or should I not call her? Should I or should I not ask her out? People usually don't think about this, they just do. They just do and they don't miss opporitunities. Well, they are like stock cars and I'm on a bicycle, and we are all driving on the road of life.

I'm eating dust.

Revelations

richard@frederick.org — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 21:47:58 GMT

Revelations a-plenty.

Everything we do, is for personal gain. You do a self-less act? It's, in truth, to make people like you, to make yourself feel good about yourself.

We are all pricks.

I am a whiner, I am a complainer. For one thing, being nice gets you nothing. I am nice, really. Not in an egotistical "I am great" way, because I'm not, I'm far from perfect, but I really do try to be nice, and it gets me nowhere. No one notices. However, it's the right thing to do. I base my decisions on whether it's the right or wrong thing to do, and it makes me feel better about myself when I have morals and I follow them...

...Sometimes I wish, in a selfish way I didn't do that.

...Sometimes I wish that everyone was like that, then this world wouldn't be such a crappy place.

The world is what we make it, and right now we made it like shit.

Psychosomatic as it's insane...

richard@frederick.org — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 18:55:51 GMT

I'm breathing the pressure, baby, and I passed the test because I beat your game.

Ha!

Anyway. Life update v2.0 initiated.

[program loaded]

Eeek. She hasn't called back yet, but I bet she's out.

(Is this another fling? I've had so many one-sided ones, collectively known as "crushes" or something, I dunno)

So here I sit, thunder coming from every direction, with overcast skies and hopeful thoughts.

[update complete, program terminated]

Argh!

richard@frederick.org — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 16:23:01 GMT

She isn't home! I worked up the nerve to call and she isn't home!

Argh!

Anxiety Descends Upon the Helpless and Weak

richard@frederick.org — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 16:19:45 GMT

Argh.

Argh, argh, argh.

Well, the phone is hanging on the wall, and I am having an anxiety attack just looking at it.

"Your just going to invite her to the beach, you irrational ass!" Whatever.

I'm still wondering, is she home? What will she think of me calling? Will she go to the beach?

I don't know.

richard@frederick.org — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 06:23:03 GMT

Well, it's now 2:30.

Where do I go from here?

I have two love interests, one I hardly know, and one who seems uninterested, really. I mean, I don't blame her, it's so hard for me to act interested. Jeez.

The other who I hardly know leaves many people going "huh?" when I say her name. Like "so-and-so? Really? Hmm." IS THAT GOOD OR BAD? Am I seeking approval? I claim I don't care what others think, but that's a lie, a brick in my "rock solid" facade of some independent free-thinker. In reality I need someone else just as much as the next person... I'm just to used to being alone, I suppose.

My first journal entry.

richard@frederick.org — Thu, 09 Aug 2001 03:20:16 GMT

Well, this journal, if you are privilaged enough to find it, is my new journal.

In it, I post no poetry, or short stories, just things that I don't want the majority of other people to see. You know, stuff that is can look into the soul of me, Dicky. Not that you want to see it anyway...